Team Gai drabbles
by bhut
Summary: Naruto-verse drabbles, mostly about Team Gai.
1. Chapter 1

**Team Gai drabble #1**

_None of the characters are mine._

Narrator: Once upon a time, there lived a young genin shinobi in Konoha, one Hyuuga Neji.

Naruto (popping from off-screen): Believe it!

Narrator (showing Naruto back off screen): Now, being a Hyuuga meant that Neji was not a big believer in the power of youth, but instead believed that one's destiny was planned at that person's birth, and behaved accordingly.

Neji and Rock Lee (walking on screen): Believe it!

Narrator: Rock Lee, who _was_ a big believer in the power of youth, was very frustrated with his **cough** eternal rival's **cough** attitude, even more so since it was reciprocated, until he finally hit on the root of the problem: Neji was a vegetarian!

Rock Lee: He is?

Neji: I am!

Rock Lee: That's so unyouthful!

Neji: But Hyuuga-style!

Rock Lee: I won't hear of it! Here, Neji, have a steak!

Neji: Now see here, Lee-

Ten-Ten: Come on, Neji, just humour him this once. What's the worst that'll happen?

Neji: I'll get punished?

Ten-Ten: Well, maybe it's your destiny to be punished?

Neji (giving Ten-Ten an evil eye): Ten-Ten... (Rock Lee shows a piece of steak into his mouth) Hey, that's not bad!

Rock Lee: Of course it's not! Here, have some red wine! Gai-sensei says that red wine always goes with meat!

Neji gulps some wine. His eyes bulge out _without_ the use of his _kekku genkai_ and he turns to face Lee.

Neji: Angry robin pounces on the delicate bluebell! (Forms an attack stance and charges at Lee.)

Lee (dodging the attack): Hungry caterpillar devours the tender mulberry! (Charges at Neji. The two boys begin to fight in earnest.)

Ten-Ten: Um, guys? Guys! Stop fighting! (They ignore her.) Hey! Are you listening to me? Guys!

Sakura (appearing from off-screen): I hear you. When Naruto and Sasuke-kun begin to fight, they ignore me too. Of course, they ignore me when they aren't fighting as well.

Ten-Ten (huffily): Lee and Neji don't ignore me when they're not fighting! I mean-

Flashback: a younger Lee is training with Gai ignoring Neji, a younger Neji is going through his Hyuuga family moves ignoring Lee (and Gai), and a younger Ten-Ten is trying to train with her weapons on her own, ignored by everyone else.

Ten-Ten: Um-

Another flashback: a slightly older Lee is training with Gai ignoring Neji, a slightly older Neji is going through his Hyuuga family moves ignoring Lee (and Gai), and a slightly older Ten-Ten is trying to train with her weapons on her own, ignored by everyone else.

Ten-Ten: Well-

A third flashback: an older Lee is fighting an older Neji (Gai is absent), ignoring an older Ten-Ten.

Ten-Ten: Um-

Sakura: I hear you. Want to go and train together?

Ten-Ten (sceptically): Don't you suck, somewhat?

Sakura (defensively): I'm working on it! Well?

Ten-Ten (taking one last look at Lee and Neji, who're still fighting each other, ignoring her): Yeah, okay, you've made your point.

Ten-Ten and Sakura leave together to train.

End


	2. Chapter 2

**How Neji-san met Tobi-sama**

_Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, but belong to their respective owners._

_Note: Tobi's views on honour were influenced by Shakespeare's character Jack Falstaff._

Once upon a time, when Hyuuga Neji-sama was feeling particularly depressed, he secretly left the territory of Konoha proper and went to the nearby mountains to... complain, in a manly way, because anything else would've been unworthy of a Hyuuga-nin.

"Why does my life suck?" Neji-san asked the nearby mountain rocks. "Why am I destined to servitude to my cousins, Hinata and Hanabi?" (Usually, of course, the honorific –sama would be right there by their names, but in privacy of his lonely spot, Neji felt that the honorific can be neglected on occasion.) "Why has my father died and I am unable to do anything about it for all of the Academy's accolades on my behalf? Why am I so miserable and that waste of space, Rock Lee, so happy?"

"Tobi doesn't know, but Tobi is a good boy!" and a shinobi wearing a black robe with crimson clouds and a orange, whirlpool mask with a single eye-opening landed before Neji, his physical prowess belied by the strange responses. "Oh, wait, Tobi knows why the funny nin is so... not funny!"

"My name," Neji-san said with his family's dignity fully behind him, "is Hyuuga Neji-sama, Mr... Tobi, right?"

"Right-right! Tobi is a good boy!" the stranger said with excitement.

"And that's why you are so happy?" Neji-san couldn't help but ask.

"No! Oh, no-no-no!" Tobi shook his head. "Tobi is happy for the opposite reason why Mr. Hyuuga Neji-sama is so upset!"

"And why am I so upset?" Hyuuga Neji-san asked, arching one of his eyebrows (quite masterfully, too), "Mr. Tobi, do tell."

"Because – of honour!" Tobi said loudly.

"Say what?" that was one thing Mr. Neji-san hadn't expected. "What are you babbling about?"

"Ah, honour is strange like that," Tobi replied in a sing-song voice. "Can honour heal an arm? No! And a leg? No! Can it bring Mr. Neji-sama's father from the dead? No! Can it raise him over his cousins all by itself? Nope, not really. Can it make him happy? Apparently not, for else Mr. Neji-sama wouldn't be talking in the desolate wilderness, talking to Tobi for all of Tobi's boyish goodness, yup-yup! And that's that!"

"Aha," Mr. Neji-san said flatly. "And if I were to relinquish my honour, would I be happy? I'm guessing that Mr. Tobi doesn't know about the seals of the Hyuuga Branch family?"

"Well know," Tobi said almost thoughtfully, "this sounds like a challenge. Tell me, Mr. Hyuuga-san, if Tobi were to free you of your seal, will you give Tobi your honour and follow Tobi to true happiness?"

It should be pointed-out at this moment that Mr. Hyuuga Neji-san was somewhat headstrong and stubborn by the standards of his fellow shinobi of Konoha, therefore-

"I'll take this bet," he almost growled, as he bent forwards and looked Tobi straight in the eye. "Bring it!"

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said cheerfully, just before – "Sharingan!"

And the world dropped from beneath Hyuuga Neji-san's feet.

_To be continued?_


	3. Chapter 3

**How Uchiha Sasuke helped Hyuuga Neji to reveal his inner youth**

_Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, but belong to their respective owners._

Once upon a time, Team Gai came across Team Kakashi, as the latter were waiting for Kakashi, and building a catapult for the water balloons. (Maybe it should be noted that while the ninja villages didn't utilize siege warfare, they were quite aware of cannons, catapults and the like just for the reasons of pranking and fireworks and the like.)

"What _are_ you doing?" Hyuuga Neji asked haughtily.

Team Kakashi just glared at him: after all, whatever genin had met Hyuuga Neji more than once, he or she would learn about the power of fate and destiny and how their destinies were inferior to Neji-sama's. It was annoying to say the least, and Uchiha Sasuke, for one, really didn't need any more annoyances in his life now that he had Uzumaki Naruto (_his_ eternal rival) and Haruno Sakura (his number one fan girl) as permanent fixtures in it. And, since he was an Uchiha (i.e. a member of a clan that was just as prestigious in Konoha as the Hyuugas were) he decided to do something about it. (Roping his other two team mates into it was easy – after all, Naruto had never met a prank that he didn't like, and Sakura because this was her Sasuke-kun after all.)

"So," Hyuuga Neji said with his trademark scorn, "what is this?" he asked, implying the water balloon catapult.

"Something that will help reveal your inner youth, of course – if you'll let us," Uchiha Sasuke replied with equal scorn.

"This should be amusing," Hyuuga Neji confidently told Ten-Ten (his only friend that could be considered such – Rock Lee was more of an eternal rival, really), before turning to Sasuke. "All right, give it to me!"

And Team Kakashi delivered – a water balloon right on top of Hyuuga Neji's head. The water released by that impact promptly washed away all of the young Hyuuga's hair styling gel and what-not, revealing his hair in all of its straight, soft, hairy glory.

"Aargh! So soft! So glorious!" yelled Ten-Ten and promptly glomphed Neji.

"Aargh! So youthful!" yelled Rock Lee. "My eternal rival! You have revealed himself at last!" And he promptly gave Neji a great big Rock Lee hug.

"Lee! And Neji! And even Ten-Ten! That is so youthful!" Maito Gai-sensei shouted and he embraced them all, even while producing his infamous sunset-genjutsu.

Embraced by all of his teammates and his sensei, Hyuuga Neji could only twitch as his own Hyuuga family demeanour was shuttered and ruined irrevocably...

"...Well, that was fun," Uzumaki Naruto commented to his teammates as Team Kakashi went to Ichiraku's for their ramen. "The Hyuugas will be clamouring for vengeance though, before the next day."

"Yeah? So?" Uchiha Sasuke-kun asked very manly-like (at least by the standards of Haruno Sakura).

"Nothing," shrugged Uzumaki Naruto and Team Kakashi went to have ramen, and forgot all about their prank on Hyuuga Neji (at least until he tried to prank them back).

PS: When several hours later Hatake Kakashi-sensei finally made it to the training field and so no trace of his team but Team Gai was very much in evidence, acting weirder than the usual, so he just shrugged and went to Ichiraku's to collect his team for their daily allotment of D-ranks.

End


	4. Chapter 4

**Bad day**

_Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine._

_Note: just because Gai was never shown with summons does not mean that he cannot have any._

"I've had my bad days, but this one takes the cake," muttered Kakashi as he hanged suspended over a pit full of giant mutated prairie dogs. "On the good side of it is that I honestly cannot think that it can get any worse."

"Don't worry, my eternal rival!" yelled Maito Gai as he and his summons appeared over the pit. "It is I, the Green Beast of Konoha and his loyal frog summons, have come to rescue you!"

As his day took once more the turn for the worse, Kakashi just wept.

End


	5. Chapter 5

**Every contingency?**

_See previous chapters._

"We're the team Gai!" Rock Lee was saying proudly to his teammate Ten-Ten (he would have told it to their other teammate, Hyuga Neji, but the proud Hyuga just was not listening). "There's nothing that we can't handle!"

Ten-Ten was more understanding and much more tolerable of Lee than Neji ever was, but there _are_ limits to everyone's patience, and today she has reached hers. "Oh really?" she asked dryly in a tone that openly shouted that she wanted some personal time all to herself.

"Yup!" replied Rock Lee, the most oblivious ninja in the world (Uzumaki Naruto was the runner-up). "Nothing at all."

Ten-Ten trapped him in a genjutsu that had him see giant flying jellyfish from space everywhere and went to spend some quality time with Haruno Sakura instead.

_Morale:_ even the best of friends can turn around, if pushed to far.


	6. Chapter 6

**Reincarnation of Neji-san**

**Or**

**Breaking the Fourth Wall?**

_Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, but belong to their respective owners._

Hyuga Neji-san was dead. That was annoying. A lot. He was floating in some inky darkness without his, um, Ten-Ten-sama or even that annoying Rock Lee.

"Shinigama-san, where are you?" he called out in vain. "I'm here, come and greet me!"

There was no reply at first, but then Neji-san felt a shift in his surroundings and he got _whooshed _somewhere else, where he opened his eyes, and it was bright, and a black-haired girl and a pink pony with a froofy mane were staring at him with anxiety in their eyes. The girl looked strange; the pony defied description – it was probably the reincarnation of Rock Lee, if anyone.

"Buffy?" the girl asked thoughtfully. "Are you okay?"

"Buffy? Who's Buffy?" Neji croaked, before stiffening: this was not his voice. He slowly looked down at himself, and then he felt himself as well. Yes, sure enough, he was a girl, with all of the girl parts and none of the boy parts.

"Shinigama-san, you son of bitch!" Neji yelled at the ceiling.

"Pinkie?" Dawn Summers quietly whispered to her co-conspirator. "I think that reincarnating Buffy through the fourth wall didn't work out."

End


End file.
